Beauty, Lies, and a Faithful God

Today marked a very special moment in my life. After my trip to Haiti back in April, my perspective on things changed. I have been on mission trips before, but this one, well, it was different. Maybe because I have a passion burning with in my heart for Jesus. Maybe because I have come to understand the one and only purpose I was put on this Earth for... To go out and make disciples of all nations. (Matthew 28:19) With out this very verse, I would be lost, roaming the world with out any purpose at all. Haiti, in many ways was life changing, but for me, there was a revelation that happened for me through it. Quite possibly it started before, but it was there that I came to realize after the fact. While I was there, I was putting on my makeup early every morning, and one day it just hit me like a ton of bricks. WHY was I even putting on make-up? Who did I have to impress? It is not like in the high humidity and tempatures that it realistically would even stay on. And why did I feel the need to anyways? Because I was used to it? Or because it made me feel "prettier"? I mean really Nicole? By the time I returned home, I had become used to not wearing as much (yes even in that one week) that I have just continued that same pattern, and now only wearing a little face powder and mascara. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with make-up at all. In fact, I LOVE make-up... and to be honest, I can spend hours in Sephora (guilty as charged.) Beauty and all the beauty products are fun for me, as it is for many of us ladies. But the question remains... WHY do we love it? My only thought on that is that we all have become so affected by the media and the look we think we should have to have to fit in with today's society. I am sure many of you are well aware of how much we can and are affected by the media these days but are also wondering where I am going with all of this. Well, it is pretty simple, the Lord ever since I made that promise to follow Him wholeheartedly, with all I am and all I have to give, has continued to strip me of every part of my old life. My old life was very dark place and time for me. I had no idea at the time how much so until I hit a spot in my life where I was crying out to him for help. (Another story for another day.) The old me, even though it was some time ago, still has some residual small parts that I think the Lord wants to make sure is there no longer. I was always so proud of my career, my independence as a woman, making it on my own, and of course as far as looks, always taking care of myself and being up to par with the standards of beauty in todays world. After all, in the end that was ALL I had since I did not have Jesus. Last year, I made the decision to stop tanning after reading articles on women younger than me getting skin cancer and dying before they were even thirty. Can you say SCARY? I am pretty sure that it was the Lord who placed those articles in my hands (on more than one occasion) and was him telling me to stop. To be honest, this was a very hard thing for me to do considering almost ALL my friends go tanning and to be the only one that is as pale as a ghost is well, humbling to say the least. A sense of security was taken away, and replaced by security in the Him. Then, the make-up thing happened in Haiti. Not quite as big of a deal, but still seems to fit in with the theme of what the Lord was teaching me. After Haiti, my heart for missions only grew and continues to grow. I have no idea if the Lord will truly lead me into long term or just many shorter term missions in the future, but I do know that my heart is only growing in a HUGE way to do so. That would mean giving up A LOT of things in my life, including the things that many of us women never think twice about like dying our hair. If I am in a foreign country, the last thing I will be able to worry about is finding a good hair dresser there, or make up for that matter. I truly believe that as the Lord is having me do these things for a reason larger than I understand yet. If not missions, it will be because he wants me to truly learn my identity is not in this world, but IN HIM and HIM ALONE.

So here I am, writing you and my hair is officially dark. A few weeks ago I made my appointment, and up until that point I was nothing but excited for a change as big as this for me. But after that appointment was set, I started having doubts. I started thinking thoughts like, "what if people do not like it?" "What if I am considered plain?" "What if I think it is ugly?" just to name a few. As these thoughts entered my head along with many others, all I could do was remember that I KNOW this was what the Lord was asking of me, and that even if those are true statements in the end, in Jesus's eyes I am nothing but beautiful to Him. He is the only one that should and does matter. It truly amazes me how Satan can seep into our heads and one minute I was excited about it, and the next I am freaking out in my head. Before I drove off to my appointment this afternoon, I was spending some time with my Jesus. I was finishing up my bible study lessons for the week. My girls and I are doing a study right now called "No Other Gods." It is a study on confronting our modern day idols, and honestly it has been the most convicting and amazing study thus far. The Lord has spoken to me through it so many times and each time I end up in tears. Tears, because I am so completely thankful that He speaks to me in times like this, knowing I need to hear certain things and He loves and cares for me enough to do so. During this study (by Kelly Minter) as I am trying to prepare myself for whatever happens after my hair color changes, I read this...

Day 05 BEHIND EVERY FALSE GOD LURKS A PROWLING LION

And then it tells me to look up the following verses... Which are all descriptions of Satan.

John 8:43-44 (A murderer, and the father of lies)
2 Corinthians 11:14 (Masquerades as an angel of light)
1 Peter 5:8 (Enemy, a roaring lion on the prowl to devour someone)
Revelation 20:2 (Ancient serpent, and the devil)

Puts things into perspective a bit as far as all my concerns (Satan's lies) were right?

And then Kelly Minter writes this...

"Sometimes I find myself playing out a situation that's happened in real life and then start adding to it in my mind. Like what the person involved in the situation might have been thinking when they responded a certain way, or what their motives were behind the actions. Really, when it gets right down to it, I realize that most of the time they weren't thinking those things at all. I allow my emotions and actions to be dictated as a result of believing that what I dream up in my head has actually happened."

I am assuming that this is not just me that this happens too. But wow this hit home for me. In the end, it helped me identify those thoughts and that they were from Satan only trying to detour me away from what God had called me to do. I love how our God works. He KNEW I needed to have that little reminder before my appointment, and planned it accordingly. He is so good, so faithful and so absolutely perfect.

So here I am, sitting here at home, writing you with my newly dyed dark hair. And after all the crazy lies that Satan put in my head the past few weeks, I came to realize I had nothing to fear. As shocking as it is to look in the mirror, I do like my hair. I have felt overwhelmed with the amazing response of how much people seem to like it. All I can say is that God is good, and every time I listen and obey, I only end up that much more blessed in the end. Praise Him... :) Here is the only picture I have of my new hair...

In Him,

Nicole Elizabeth

Waiting... Patiently...

Waiting on the Lord. I am just going to put it right out there. I have become very aware that this is an area in my life I need the A LOT of work in. God has definitely putting me to the test in this area over and over. The older I get, the more I find myself becoming a perfectionist, (thank you Mom.) Maybe it is because like many of us I simply want to know I have things under control or at least in somewhat of an order. To know what my future holds and plan for it. The reality is, I am not in control, nor should I want to be. And whenever I do try and gain control in my life over things, I only end up making a huge mess. And yes, I know this from experience. I truly do want to live each and every moment knowing I am following Jesus and letting Him led my every step. Confirmation has become a HUGE thing I have realized I need in my life for everything big or small. And not only is He teaching me to wait for these confirmations, but wait patiently. I was talking with my friend Lacey today about how hard it is for me, and how often I feel like I fail in this area. And she simply reminded me that, if I were failing I would be taking all these HARD things in my life right now, and making my own plans outside of whatever God's will for my life is. That is simply not what I am doing. Sometimes it takes others in our lives to open our eyes and see things from an outside view. Just because things are HARD, and we only see that part of it, does not mean we fail. The Lord never said our lives would be easy when we choose to follow Him, just that it would be worth it. Patience I believe is one of the hardest traits to learn. And as our society becomes more and more fast pace, I think this trait will only become that much harder to learn. Praise the Lord that He is teaching me this, even as hard as it is at times. I love that He is always wanting to push us, shape us, and make us that much stronger and help us to be all we can be for Him and to His liking. I actually feel honored that He has chosen me to be one He sees fit to go through these difficult times. This entire year, in every area of my life it seems He is teaching me to wait whether it be in my finances, my job, my dreams, relationships, and even which the ways He wants me to be serving Him. Maybe in my next posting I will explain exactly how he is having me wait in those areas. My prayer is simply this... that while He has us in times of waiting as hard as it may be, that we will grow in abundant ways from it. In the mean time, while we do wait, may we continue to pray and PRAY CEASINGLY for Him to reveal Himself in His own time.

A verse that has popped up a few times this week that I feel the Lord has given to me is this...

Isaiah 40:31 says "they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Can I get an amen? :)

In Him, Nicole Elizabeth

Learning to Listen

This past year, I have come to know just how important walking in the Spirit 24/7 is. We can not dependor rely on our hearts to carry us through life. Jeremiah 17:9 says, The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? With out the Lord guiding our every step, we will go off the path He has intended for each of us. We need to be in constant fellowship with Him to ensure we are lining up with Him and His plan for us. There have been times in my life when I hear Him so clear and others that He remains silent. In the past, when there is that silence, I have failed too many times to count. I have learned we are not to rely on our feelings and emotions, but the TRUTH. And in that truth we are to keep seeking Him through prayer and intimate one on one time with Him to truly come to see what He is trying to show us.

One morning last fall, while in the word before I headed to work, I had the Lord speak to me so crystal clear I was knocked off my feet. He told me I was to start a bible study, that it would be on Monday nights, who He wanted me to have join, that I was to lead it, and who's house it would be at. First off, my head was spinning in circles with thoughts as to how this was even possible. We all work different hours, have different schedules, some with kids, some with out. We all live in complete different sides of town from Happy Valley, Milwaukie, Hillsboro, and Lake Oswego. And SINCE WHEN AM I someone that is capable or WORTHY of leading a bible study of young women? I mean ME Lord, really? But then, I rememebered this, if the Lord calls on you to do something, regardless of our own ideas, feelings, and opinions... when He calls you to it, you are to simply obey, and He will cover the rest! That morning I raised my hands up in surrender and said, "okay Lord, if this is of you... make it happen and I will obey." I immediately began making calls, and with in 2 hours, a bible study of young women was formed. Monday evenings ended up being the ONLY night that would work with everyone's schedules. The only house that would work was just indeed the one the Lord had laid on my heart. Since then, this bible study has been nothing but a blessing. I have had moments of discouragement, but God is faithful and continually is stretching and teaching me through all of this. He is making me a bolder disciple of for Him. But He does not always work in in that way. There will be periods of time in which he remains silent. After coming back from Haiti, my heart ached and longed to back in that beautiful country with it's beautiful people again. But I told myself that even though it was MY heart's desire to return, I would not do so unless it was what the Lord wanted of me. Someone told me that they did not think the desire would be there to return unless the Lord had put it there. Numerous times over the past few months "October" seemed to come up, but I still felt the need for more confirmation. I emailed the church a few months after my first trip to Haiti to inquire on things. They told me that they were only accepting people for the months September, October and November at this time. That comforted me a bit to know that things were aligning, but yet I still felt I needed more. The church listed me for October trip and I decided to let God reveal and confirm things to me more in the meantime. Well this past week I took a week off, and Thursday afternoon I recieved a phone call from the person leading the October trip calling to introduce himself to me, tell me when the first meeting was, and we started talking a bit. Through conversation I came to tell him that I went back in April as well. When he heard that news, he explained to me how big of a blessing that would be because there are a lot of woman going on this trip that are around my same age, and are a little apprehensive about going for various reasons. He proceeded to tell me at the next meeting if it is okay he would like my help answering questions for these women and on the duration of the trip he will probably rely on me a tad more since I have experience on things. After all of this happened, it was as if I was hit by a wave of instant peace about returning. A peace that I had not yet had until that point. Confirmation from the Lord has become absolutely HUGE in my life whether it being a big or small thing. It is imperative to seek confirmation from the Lord before we act. In doing so we strengthen our faith and it also ensures we are working with Him to build up His Kingdom.

Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

In Him, Nicole Elizabeth

Key to my heart...

Eleven years ago I would have never understood what it meant that we are to be willing to give up EVERYTHING for the sake of Christ. In fact, I do believe that the Lord tested me in this very area back then, and I failed miserably. I became so angry at Him because everything in life that made me "happy" was taken away. I obviously had A LOT to learn. My happiness does not and will never come from the things of this world, and if I depend on that, I will NEVER be happy. I will however find peace, love, and full satisfaction by His grace and goodness. The ten years following lead me down a path of mass destruction, leaving me alone in a dark, empty pit with a shattered, broken heart. It wasn't until I cried out to Him for help, praying for Him to take my hand and lovingly guide me out of the pit I got myself stuck in, that He led me into His redeeming arms. I made a promise to Him at the moment, that He alone would always remain my FIRST priority, my FIRST love, and I would be a faithful servant and obey whatever He asks of me... at any cost. A scary thing to do, isn't it? But there is NO other way to live, I can promise you that. Last year, the Lord placed someone absolutely dear and special to me back in my life that has filled my heart with so much joy and has the most amazing passion for the Lord as I do. We fell in love, made future plans, and our relationship continued long distance, him in California and me in Oregon. Somewhere along the way, I lost the peace that I had in the beginning about us, and I am sure he would say the same. For the past few months, I have felt lost inside, trying to figure out exactly what the Lord wants of me and was telling me. I needed confirmation in some way about our relationship. I kept thinking, how could He have allowed us to finally after ten years, be reunited and everything fit so perfect, to only later to have us end things? What would be the purpose of that? But I know that God always has a purpose for everything, and even if I may not understand it, I must trust in Him. It has been such a struggle within me to grasp what the Lord truly was trying to tell me. Needless to say, eventually we talked (and I will spare you all the details) and concluded that we both feel and have felt as if the Lord is leading us each down different paths for the time being. Us being in a relationship with each other had started taking the focus away from the path the Lord each wanting us to follow down. We both do not know what will happen in the future with us, but while the Lord has us each going down different paths, it has become overwhelming hard on each other to continue as we were. There is no words to describe how I feel inside, because I have been in other relationships and I did not nearly care nor love any of them the way I do for him, so you would think the heartbreak would be the hardest of them all, yet I remain in peace because of Christ. Philippians 4:7 says "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I do believe being obedient to the Lord regardless of how hard things may be, is where you find that unexplainable peace from within. Last year I bought myself a necklace... a key necklace, which I wear every day. This necklace represents the promise I made to the Lord, that He will ALWAYS hold the key to my heart, and I will follow Him at any cost. Until I breathe my last breath on this Earth I will keep this promise.

He is my strength and my purpose. I am so grateful that I can trust Him to carry me through this and excited for the things to come and what He uses me next with. I am so blessed that He chose ME, and is using me to fulfill His beautiful purpose. One verse I leave with you is one that one that that very special man I still care for and love so deeply mentioned to me about a month back, and I could not for the life of me get it out of my head since that day... Now I know why.

"Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Job 1:21♥

The Lord knows what is best for each one of us, and whether we choose to listen and obey is up to us. As hard as it may be at times to do so, the reward will be that much greater in the end if we do. He is a LOVING, FAITHFUL, & GOOD GOD. We need to be willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him. What use to Him can we really be if we aren't? Praise the Lord for all He is teaching me through this time. And for molding and shaping me into the woman He wants me to be. I finally am learning a lesson He tried to teach me eleven years ago.

In Him, Nicole Elizabeth

Remaining faithful...

Well, here it is... my first blog post. I never imagined I would ever come to the day in which I start expressing and sharing things my most intimate thoughts that I usually write in a journal to be kept locked away from the world to see. I have boxes of journals dated as far back to the 8th grade, and have just as many unused ones anxiously waiting to be written in. I have always used Facebook as my way to post little tidbits about my walk with the Lord, evangelise, and share scriptures with others. But lately, I feel as if I need to do MORE. Be more intimate and share things on a deeper level with whoever is willing to listen, sharing the love I have for others and the Lord to life Him up high. As my walk with Christ consistantly grows and He continues to stretch and mold me into the person He wants me to be, I am becoming more and more bold to share about His amazing love. The deeper I fall in love with Him, the more I want to shout it out to the world, which is quite remarkable, considering how shy I have become as I get older. I am one small girl, with one big heart for Him. Not a day goes by that I am not completely blessed and thankful for what He has done in my life. How He has transformed me from the broken girl I was, to being complete in Him and His grace. (Colossians 2:10) My heart breaks for all of the world who is constantly searching for more, like I once was, seeking to have a purpose and never being able to fulfill it because it is impossible if you do not have or know about God's unfailing love He has for us. The more my walk is strengthened in Christ, the more I desire to spend every waking moment sharing about Him with others. My heart is passionately burning within to get out and share the good news that I have come to know. I just recently returned from Haiti... I pray that the Lord has me return there one day soon. But right now, I do know the Lord has me RIGHT where He wants me, working at my current job, and being an example of Christ and spreading His love to those I encounter on a daily basis. There are people I see every single day that do not know Christ. Do they not need to know about Jesus also, just as those in Africa or wherever we go on mission trips all over the world? I know the Lord has called me to remain STILL and prepare my finances for the day in which I CAN go spend longer amounts of time serving and sharing the gospel. My daily prayer is that while I feel I could be else where "doing so much more" in my mind... that I remain faithful to what the Lord has called me to do in this very day, instead of focusing on the future. No matter where we are in the world, there are numerous people we will encounter that do not know Christ and need to be shown the truth, and the gift of God's love and mercy. Let's remember that as we go about our every day life, that our purpose in life is NOT to live a life for us, but for the Lord... Remember that if you are a child of God... you are Royalty and who knows but that you have come to your ROYAL POSITION for such a time as THIS? Esther 4:14

In Him, Nicole Elizabeth