Key to my heart...

Eleven years ago I would have never understood what it meant that we are to be willing to give up EVERYTHING for the sake of Christ. In fact, I do believe that the Lord tested me in this very area back then, and I failed miserably. I became so angry at Him because everything in life that made me "happy" was taken away. I obviously had A LOT to learn. My happiness does not and will never come from the things of this world, and if I depend on that, I will NEVER be happy. I will however find peace, love, and full satisfaction by His grace and goodness. The ten years following lead me down a path of mass destruction, leaving me alone in a dark, empty pit with a shattered, broken heart. It wasn't until I cried out to Him for help, praying for Him to take my hand and lovingly guide me out of the pit I got myself stuck in, that He led me into His redeeming arms. I made a promise to Him at the moment, that He alone would always remain my FIRST priority, my FIRST love, and I would be a faithful servant and obey whatever He asks of me... at any cost. A scary thing to do, isn't it? But there is NO other way to live, I can promise you that. Last year, the Lord placed someone absolutely dear and special to me back in my life that has filled my heart with so much joy and has the most amazing passion for the Lord as I do. We fell in love, made future plans, and our relationship continued long distance, him in California and me in Oregon. Somewhere along the way, I lost the peace that I had in the beginning about us, and I am sure he would say the same. For the past few months, I have felt lost inside, trying to figure out exactly what the Lord wants of me and was telling me. I needed confirmation in some way about our relationship. I kept thinking, how could He have allowed us to finally after ten years, be reunited and everything fit so perfect, to only later to have us end things? What would be the purpose of that? But I know that God always has a purpose for everything, and even if I may not understand it, I must trust in Him. It has been such a struggle within me to grasp what the Lord truly was trying to tell me. Needless to say, eventually we talked (and I will spare you all the details) and concluded that we both feel and have felt as if the Lord is leading us each down different paths for the time being. Us being in a relationship with each other had started taking the focus away from the path the Lord each wanting us to follow down. We both do not know what will happen in the future with us, but while the Lord has us each going down different paths, it has become overwhelming hard on each other to continue as we were. There is no words to describe how I feel inside, because I have been in other relationships and I did not nearly care nor love any of them the way I do for him, so you would think the heartbreak would be the hardest of them all, yet I remain in peace because of Christ. Philippians 4:7 says "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I do believe being obedient to the Lord regardless of how hard things may be, is where you find that unexplainable peace from within. Last year I bought myself a necklace... a key necklace, which I wear every day. This necklace represents the promise I made to the Lord, that He will ALWAYS hold the key to my heart, and I will follow Him at any cost. Until I breathe my last breath on this Earth I will keep this promise.

He is my strength and my purpose. I am so grateful that I can trust Him to carry me through this and excited for the things to come and what He uses me next with. I am so blessed that He chose ME, and is using me to fulfill His beautiful purpose. One verse I leave with you is one that one that that very special man I still care for and love so deeply mentioned to me about a month back, and I could not for the life of me get it out of my head since that day... Now I know why.

"Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Job 1:21♥

The Lord knows what is best for each one of us, and whether we choose to listen and obey is up to us. As hard as it may be at times to do so, the reward will be that much greater in the end if we do. He is a LOVING, FAITHFUL, & GOOD GOD. We need to be willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him. What use to Him can we really be if we aren't? Praise the Lord for all He is teaching me through this time. And for molding and shaping me into the woman He wants me to be. I finally am learning a lesson He tried to teach me eleven years ago.

In Him, Nicole Elizabeth