Key to my heart...

Eleven years ago I would have never understood what it meant that we are to be willing to give up EVERYTHING for the sake of Christ. In fact, I do believe that the Lord tested me in this very area back then, and I failed miserably. I became so angry at Him because everything in life that made me "happy" was taken away. I obviously had A LOT to learn. My happiness does not and will never come from the things of this world, and if I depend on that, I will NEVER be happy. I will however find peace, love, and full satisfaction by His grace and goodness. The ten years following lead me down a path of mass destruction, leaving me alone in a dark, empty pit with a shattered, broken heart. It wasn't until I cried out to Him for help, praying for Him to take my hand and lovingly guide me out of the pit I got myself stuck in, that He led me into His redeeming arms. I made a promise to Him at the moment, that He alone would always remain my FIRST priority, my FIRST love, and I would be a faithful servant and obey whatever He asks of me... at any cost. A scary thing to do, isn't it? But there is NO other way to live, I can promise you that. Last year, the Lord placed someone absolutely dear and special to me back in my life that has filled my heart with so much joy and has the most amazing passion for the Lord as I do. We fell in love, made future plans, and our relationship continued long distance, him in California and me in Oregon. Somewhere along the way, I lost the peace that I had in the beginning about us, and I am sure he would say the same. For the past few months, I have felt lost inside, trying to figure out exactly what the Lord wants of me and was telling me. I needed confirmation in some way about our relationship. I kept thinking, how could He have allowed us to finally after ten years, be reunited and everything fit so perfect, to only later to have us end things? What would be the purpose of that? But I know that God always has a purpose for everything, and even if I may not understand it, I must trust in Him. It has been such a struggle within me to grasp what the Lord truly was trying to tell me. Needless to say, eventually we talked (and I will spare you all the details) and concluded that we both feel and have felt as if the Lord is leading us each down different paths for the time being. Us being in a relationship with each other had started taking the focus away from the path the Lord each wanting us to follow down. We both do not know what will happen in the future with us, but while the Lord has us each going down different paths, it has become overwhelming hard on each other to continue as we were. There is no words to describe how I feel inside, because I have been in other relationships and I did not nearly care nor love any of them the way I do for him, so you would think the heartbreak would be the hardest of them all, yet I remain in peace because of Christ. Philippians 4:7 says "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I do believe being obedient to the Lord regardless of how hard things may be, is where you find that unexplainable peace from within. Last year I bought myself a necklace... a key necklace, which I wear every day. This necklace represents the promise I made to the Lord, that He will ALWAYS hold the key to my heart, and I will follow Him at any cost. Until I breathe my last breath on this Earth I will keep this promise.

He is my strength and my purpose. I am so grateful that I can trust Him to carry me through this and excited for the things to come and what He uses me next with. I am so blessed that He chose ME, and is using me to fulfill His beautiful purpose. One verse I leave with you is one that one that that very special man I still care for and love so deeply mentioned to me about a month back, and I could not for the life of me get it out of my head since that day... Now I know why.

"Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Job 1:21♥

The Lord knows what is best for each one of us, and whether we choose to listen and obey is up to us. As hard as it may be at times to do so, the reward will be that much greater in the end if we do. He is a LOVING, FAITHFUL, & GOOD GOD. We need to be willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him. What use to Him can we really be if we aren't? Praise the Lord for all He is teaching me through this time. And for molding and shaping me into the woman He wants me to be. I finally am learning a lesson He tried to teach me eleven years ago.

In Him, Nicole Elizabeth

Remaining faithful...

Well, here it is... my first blog post. I never imagined I would ever come to the day in which I start expressing and sharing things my most intimate thoughts that I usually write in a journal to be kept locked away from the world to see. I have boxes of journals dated as far back to the 8th grade, and have just as many unused ones anxiously waiting to be written in. I have always used Facebook as my way to post little tidbits about my walk with the Lord, evangelise, and share scriptures with others. But lately, I feel as if I need to do MORE. Be more intimate and share things on a deeper level with whoever is willing to listen, sharing the love I have for others and the Lord to life Him up high. As my walk with Christ consistantly grows and He continues to stretch and mold me into the person He wants me to be, I am becoming more and more bold to share about His amazing love. The deeper I fall in love with Him, the more I want to shout it out to the world, which is quite remarkable, considering how shy I have become as I get older. I am one small girl, with one big heart for Him. Not a day goes by that I am not completely blessed and thankful for what He has done in my life. How He has transformed me from the broken girl I was, to being complete in Him and His grace. (Colossians 2:10) My heart breaks for all of the world who is constantly searching for more, like I once was, seeking to have a purpose and never being able to fulfill it because it is impossible if you do not have or know about God's unfailing love He has for us. The more my walk is strengthened in Christ, the more I desire to spend every waking moment sharing about Him with others. My heart is passionately burning within to get out and share the good news that I have come to know. I just recently returned from Haiti... I pray that the Lord has me return there one day soon. But right now, I do know the Lord has me RIGHT where He wants me, working at my current job, and being an example of Christ and spreading His love to those I encounter on a daily basis. There are people I see every single day that do not know Christ. Do they not need to know about Jesus also, just as those in Africa or wherever we go on mission trips all over the world? I know the Lord has called me to remain STILL and prepare my finances for the day in which I CAN go spend longer amounts of time serving and sharing the gospel. My daily prayer is that while I feel I could be else where "doing so much more" in my mind... that I remain faithful to what the Lord has called me to do in this very day, instead of focusing on the future. No matter where we are in the world, there are numerous people we will encounter that do not know Christ and need to be shown the truth, and the gift of God's love and mercy. Let's remember that as we go about our every day life, that our purpose in life is NOT to live a life for us, but for the Lord... Remember that if you are a child of God... you are Royalty and who knows but that you have come to your ROYAL POSITION for such a time as THIS? Esther 4:14

In Him, Nicole Elizabeth